Hon Her Birthday

Hello everyone! It’s Faith again. Today, March 13th, is my Mom’s birthday. I thought today was a good occasion to add to Honwego, because although it’s been difficult, on we have been going, just like she’d want us to.

It’s almost as if our whole life my mom was preparing us with her wise lessons and compiling an entire village of people to get us through this. As much as we miss her and the person she was, I think many would agree she’s still very much within and around all of us. There’s sweet examples of this like an extra beautiful sunset just at the right time, and there’s funny examples of this, like a horrible Cher song she loved coming on the radio during a sad moment.

My mom chose her words well, and these wise words will stay with me throughout my whole life. Recently she wrote me a letter when I went on my school senior retreat. In one part she said “Your life is on a wonderful trajectory and I am beyond excited to watch you from the sidelines”. Her perfect choice of wording is meant to be because she will, in fact, still be watching my brother Chase and me from the sidelines.

As many times in our life as we had to discuss cancer and its life threatening capabilities, my mom and I never talked much about death. As much as I’ve wondered what wise things she would have to say about this, I’ve realized why this wouldn’t have been fitting. She focused on living because to live fully you have to be fully present and enjoy the now. Everything she did was now, not later, and I am so thankful for that because we have so many good memories to cherish as a result of that. In the big scheme of things, there’s no time to waste dwelling on the bad and sad things.

When I had a moment of feeling frustrated for her and for us to have to deal with this sickness a second time, she said “We are not special”. We aren’t the only people to deal with cancer and we certainly weren’t the only people going through hard times. In fact, despite what we had on our plate, we were still so lucky and so blessed. She often made the point that everyone has their own thing (sh**) to deal with and cancer was ours. This helps me today and will continue to help me because there’s inevitable hardships in life but we can and will recover and attitude is everything.

Because grief is like a wave, it is duable. The sad moments come in and out at different times, but in between those there is plenty of laughter and reflection on the great memories we’ve shared. Going to places like the river has been hard, but we also have so many good times to think back on and each sunset is a reminder she’s watching over us all.

We are so lucky to have so many people in our life to get us through these times and each person reminds me and keeps me connected to a different aspect of my mom. I knew how many great people we have in our life, but it has been truly outstanding seeing the amount of love for my mom people have and the support and love you’ve all given us has been astounding. The past couple of months and graduating this year has made me realize it is important to live like my mom did. She lived joyfully and boldly and made everything and every day count. She didn’t have fear (except for reptiles/fish) and when things in life took a turn, big or small, she was always at peace that God has a plan. One of the biggest lessons she taught me recently was saying “If you truly believe everything happens for a reason, then you must believe both the good and the bad things happen for a reason.” Although this is hard to make sense of in context of such life changing events, we already have a plan set for us and the good and bad things are both a part of our unique and beautiful journeys.
The waves of sadness will inevitably come throughout all of our lives in moments big or small, but these hard moments are always followed by an extreme appreciation and immense love for my mom. There has been SO many straight up “God moments” throughout this time that has occurred to myself and so many people that have shared their moments with me. For example, just when someone is thinking about my mom, her favorite Jimmy Buffet song comes on the radio. Or Chase’s La Mesa Little League teams getting “Hon We Go” put on their jerseys, which I know she is loving. Or just as I’m missing her and I’s talks, her best friend Leslie calls me and we talk for an hour just like they did. This blog alone is an amazing example that her words will continue to live on and they capture her character so well for those who didn’t get the privilege to know her. It is these small things that gets us through and it is focusing on how great of a life we got to share with her, her signature “glass half full” perspective. Hon we go!