Hon We Go…… to Maui

I Failed PE

It’s true. It was a combination of things. One being I hated running the mile, so my friend (who shall remain nameless for protection, but looks a lot like my fried Michelle)  and I would, on occasion, run one lap and then hide behind a shed and join the rest of the class on the last lap. The teachers caught on and my grade suffered that semester. Then I had swim as a first period class, and if you saw my bangs back then you would know why I could not afford to get them wet first period. There was only 7 minutes to towel off , get dressed and get to 2nd period , and lord knows my hair needed TIME to look that good. So, I opted to not to swim the necessary classes needed to pass that semester. All this resulted in me being the only senior who had to take PE. While the rest of my friends were getting out at 12 and heading to the beach, I was headed to the smelly locker room. I had the stereotypical PE teacher, who was weathered and days away from retirement, and who ,I am pretty sure, hated me. I was so embarrassed as I walked up to roll call as the only senior in a sophomore/freshman PE class. I stood on my number, and she called me up to the front where she handed me a white collared shirt that said “Honors PE”. It was a play on words, but it was a confidence booster and she knew it. It was brilliant. While the others wore see-through tee shirts , I dressed out in that collard shirt every day and wanted to make her proud. She let me take roll daily and gave me privileges that semester… carrying the balls and keeping score. There I was the PE teacher’s pet! Oh the irony. But I worked for her and wanted to make her proud. The truth is I have never really loved  exercising  and working out. I love the idea of it, I love the outfits , I love the camaraderie and the feeling when it’s over. Just ask any of my friends who I have worked out with over the years, they will tell you this is true. Michelle might even be able to tell you all the excuses I  have tried with her over the years when I didn’t have a shed to duck behind.  So it struck me as ODD when I recently I started seeing joggers and people working out and I  started feeling green with envy.  I am at the point in my recovery where I worry about a far off parking space and how winded I will be by the time I get in the store. So to see people just effortlessly working out seems like amazing achievement. I now regret every workout I didn’t  enjoy. Don’t get me wrong , I know there will be a fitness routine in my future , but it is a long way off. My fitness goals are still ; walks around the block and a trip to Costco.  Of course I am happy , grateful , blessed and thrilled beyond words to have one cancer free lung doing the job of two lungs, but I never thought I would miss doing those dang stairs in La Mesa, but I do. My PE teacher somehow knew that by giving me a shirt that made me feel like the top pf the PE class, that I might actually act like it, and I did. So yea, I might start wearing the yoga pants again the walking shoes and the whole getty up with high hopes!

Recovery is overall going very well. I have the stamina of a 87 year old and the labored breathing of a chain smoker,  so I have to  pick and choose daily activities. . I have to pace my conversations , so I don’t run out of breath mid sentence…. which for a chatty cathy like me, ain’t easy. One thing I can’t do (currently) is run to the phone. I have found if I do run to grab a call, I can’t actually take the call , thus defeating the purpose.  Also (insert violins here) I have a hard time bending over , so emptying the dishwasher is out of the question. So sad. However,  I can see the progress being made and need to work on being patient as this goes. Dr.Fanta reminded me to be patient and told me “this is one one our biggest surgeries so give yourself lots of time”. OH great! Now you tell me.

Fortunately for me, husband-of-the-year is still going strong, with no signs of slowing down.  Well, he does slow down when walking with me, it’s cute when I catch him walking way out in front of me, and then he stops while I catch up.  I am more certain than ever that we will spend our golden years together, and I hope I can someday wait while he catches up.

The One Lung Look

A few weeks ago, I drove for the first time to take Faith to have her senior pictures taken. As we walked up  (slowly) with a school administrator  I briefly said  that I was recovering from surgery as a way to explain my 87 year old shuffled walk and labored breathing. When she asked if I was ok – I promptly told her “Oh yea, I had my lung removed due to a cancerous tumor”.  When I saw the look on her face I quickly realized I better come up with a more generic explanation. The truth is even people who KNOW  what I had done even look at me with a long stare. I get it. It is CRAZY. To think they can take an entire lung out and my heart and my left lung just kick in and start to compensate….  it is wild. Before surgery I did spend some time thinking about my right lung…. how it was there when I took my very first breath ,how it took deep breaths as I walked down the aisle to marry my guy , and  how it helped me pace my breaths while I had my brought our two babies into the world, and then finally  how it protected and contained the recurrent tumor so my life could be saved. What a great  lung it was.  It will be missed. RIP right lung.

 The Fantastic Fanta & Our Awesome God

After surgery, my instructions from my surgeon , were to recover and to be patient as it would take 3-6 months to resume normalcy. On one of my follow up appointments we asked my surgeon if I could take a vacation. “Where?” he asked. Not sure why that mattered …unless I was going to say climbing Mt.McKinley. When I told him Maui , he simply said ” That sounds fun”.  So we booked it! Apparently surgeons are good at surgery not small talk.

At some point we knew we had to “circle back” and see Dr.Fanta ,my oncologist, and discuss next steps. Jason and I grappled with whether or not we wanted this information prior to going to Maui or after.  Finally, we  agreed we wanted to know sooner than later, so I made the appointment. Last week while waiting to see Dr.Fanta he peeked his head around the corner and saw us and got a huge grin on his face, and said “I am so excited to see you!”. Uh, gee thanks, wish I could say the same thing. Walking into the Moore’s Cancer Center is surreal and  humbling every single time. When I am out in the world I can choose not think about cancer, I can not be a “cancer patient” , but the moment my foot crosses that threshold at the center, it is ON. Every smiling sweet face , from the greeter to the check-in desk to the candy stripers. They all know whats up. Jason valets the car each time so I don’t have to walk too far, and the valet guy  knows our name ” Have a good day Mrs. Beyer”. Again, surreal and humbling. Patients all exchange knowing and empathetic smiles and we anxiously await our names being called and the information or treatment that will follow. This day was different. Dr. Fanta saw us first and his face lit up. By the time we got into a room he came bounding in and shook Jason’s hand and grabbed me in for a big ol’ hug. He went on and on about how great I looked…. considering. Then he asked if I had had seen the pathology reports., which was why I was here! Obviously we knew what the tumor was and when the whole lung came out – so did the tumor, so we knew that was straightforward. All along there was concern and uncertainty about lymph node involvement due to the location of the tumor and my aorta valve,  here’s the GOOD PART, Dr. Fanta immediately told us that 18 lymph nodes were taken out and ALL 18 tested negative for cancer. His smile was HUGE and our jaws dropped. This is really miraculous news and a complete answer to the prayers we have received.  Our hearts are cautiously optimistic all the while we cried on the way home at the amazing gift we had just been given. Dr. Fanta is also cautiously optimistic that after our vacation I will have a scan and if all is clean and clear, “observation” could be an option as my next phase. It’s too soon to throw a party but not too soon to thank you ALL for the prayers and to thank GOD for the bringing us to this news.

Jason and I have been humbled and carried by the notes of love and support. The meals,  the gifts , the calls and THE CARDS. It’s been 6 months and STILL we get a card , a note , cookies. Just little tokens that remind our family that the prayers have not ceased. They mean everything.

For the first time in 6 months we can take a deep breath ( well not literally) and enjoy some good news.  We will bask in it and give all thanks and glory  to our amazing God.  MAHALO

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you

great and unsearchable things you do not know. 

Jeremiah 33:3