Aloha! Ahh back to life, and back to reality.

Maui Memories

Our trip to Maui was just what we all needed. Well, who doesn’t need 8 days in paradise? But the four of us certainly were ready for a change of pace. The days were spent on the beach and the evening dinners over looking the ocean. We had an ongoing spades tournament and each night the teams would take another shot at each other. It is worth noting that I seemed to always be on the winning team.   Faith and I spent hours with our books ,under umbrellas on the beach, while Jason would be in charge of wearing Chase out. Being a California surf kid, he just HAD to surf even if the Maui surf was next to nothing. He spent hours sitting his board for waves that never came, chatting with locals and loving every minute. Any vacation spent with family is wonderful, but after our past few months , this one was exceptional.  One parenting tip is to have your children share a bed on vacation, this way no matter how little they interact at home, while on vacation, they have extra time to bond. It was the highlight of my trip listening to them laughing together each night while we were trying to go to sleep. Jason would tell me to go “shush” them , worried about being good neighbors, but I never did.

It turns out breathing with one lung is just as fine in Maui as it is in San Diego. My walking speed was still ‘old-folks home speed’, but I could keep up with the kids and enjoy the scenery more as I had more time to look at it.

Coming home from our trip was a quick dose of reality. Faith started her senior year the very next day, and life and routine fell right back into place. I was excited as I felt more energy each day and life was resuming some semblances of normalcy.  Grocery store trips, by myself ,starting with Trader Joe’s and I even worked my way up to Costco! Chase had a few extra days left of summer, so I got be the surf taxi again,  it was wonderful. The sweetness of life’s every day routines was not lost on us, and as nice as Maui was ,  being an independent Mom again , was just as wonderful.

But wait…. not so fast.

It was time for my first scan since have the lung/tumor removed. I started with the CT scan, which showed some suspicious activity in the chest cavity where the lung was. Then a few long days while waiting do to the next diagnostic testing , which was the PET scan. Cancer patients refer to this time as “scaniety”. It’s a real deal, that is for sure but, here’s the one of the perks about  having done this before. Because it isn’t my first rodeo,  I can handle the waiting and wondering much better than 10 years ago. Early on in this journey I decided to TRUST God fully. I mean FULLY. I knew that questioning any of this would get me no where. I also knew that to trust Him fully means to accept the outcome or changes that come my way, that aren’t according to my plan. The amazing benefit of trusting this way is how peaceful it helps me be. I am able to wait the days and know that whatever it is, God has this. He totally has me.

The two spots in my chest cavity turned out to be colon cancer cells left behind when the tumor was removed. These little sneaky cells had a few months to grow and surgery was scheduled the very next day. My team is amazing and they don’t mess around. So battle gear back on , I went to for what was to be surgery number two September 7th.  It is never a good thing when the surgery nurses recognize you , and know your name. But the surgery went well, and they got both tumors with clear margins.

Surgery and Slumber Parties

I spent one night in the hospital , with Leslie offering to stay with me so Jason could go home and be with the kids. Les is an old pro at sitting me with in hospitals by now, she knows every vending machine and where the best coffee is. We seem to have some our most hysterical moments during these surreal slumber parties. My nurse let us rearrange furniture and got Leslie a big ol pull out chair as we settle in for the long night. Leslie tried her best to get comfortable in her chair and the nurse told us good night night switched the lights off. Except  that because I am on the good pain meds, I have lots to talk about and say and so we both lay in the dark discussing everything under the sun. At one point I asked her for some chapstick as my lips were so dry. She handed me something and says’ it’s not chapstick but it feels good and will do the trick’. I promptly applied whatever she gave me to my lips ,doing my best in the dark, and then she did the same. SO then  I ask her ” Are we both laying here with lipstick on?’  ” Yes” she replied. We both giggle at the thought and continue talking until we finally start dozing off. About 20 minutes later , a tech shows up in my room with his portable x-ray machine to take some images. Of course it’s the middle of the night  but hospitals are a lot like casinos, there is no actual time in those places. So Leslie has to leave the room and I have to sit up as he props the cold hard film behind my back. He shines a light on my chest , which feels like a spotlight in the dark room and lights up my face as well , and  he asks  “Are you ready for your close up?”. It was then I realized I have the glossy lipstick on and wondering what in the world this guy must be thinking. I opted not to point it out on the off chance he didn’t see me my red-carpet ready lips. When Leslie came back into the dark room , I reminded her we have lipstick on and I just had my picture taken.  Next time I will bring my own chapstick.

Then  it was then back home to start the recovery process , AGAIN. It’s like a groundhog day or deja vu’ …didn’t we just do this? Uh yes. But again, here’s where experience helps. Jason  and the kids fall into place, everyone knows what needs to be done, and they do their part and I do mine. This recovery has been a walk in the park, compared to the lung removal , but it is still a slow process.

During follow up visits with the Dr.’s we confirmed that it was a silver lining that both tumors were explainable as left behind cells from the first surgery as opposed to new tumors in other places. So we take any silver lining we can get. And I still have the 18 clean lymph nodes to be very proud of and makes a very good case that this tumor was still contained in my lung. I am fortunate to have docs that are willing and  to surgically remove this cancer from my body. They are so confidant that they both agreed that if  I have anymore of these , we can still stay on top of them by taking them out. All very good options. Of course when Dr.Fanta looks at me and says ” this is not life threatening, and we have lots of options” those words are not lost on me. If you ever have to have an Oncologist you want him to be able to say those very words.

We have all heard the catch phrase ” Living with Cancer”. That pretty much sums it up. Living with it, sure beats the alternative. I am now living with cancer. I guess I always was. Even during those seven years after remission when I almost couldn’t remember that we went through all of that, 10 years ago. I now know that living with cancer means I will have be on top of things forever, and that things might pop up from time to time, but we will deal with them as they come and I will live with cancer as part of my life, but hopefully not in my body. I long for a time years from now where I have had many years of cancer free PET scans and surgeries are in my past.  I know I will get there, I know I will be 50 and then 60 and then 70 and on I will go.

The plan , as of now , is healing and recovery and scan every four weeks. It is my prayer that my scans will be clear and this cancer is all out of my body, again. I am resting and trusting  that even though this next phase of this journey is fluid and uncertain , we have every reason to pray and hope for clean scans to come.

I know God is hearing every prayer that is happening on my behalf and I will cannot thank you enough. Your prayers help me gear up and battle on. I know I am in the best hands of Jesus. He totally and completely has me.

The verse  below is such a heavenly reminder that I don’t need to carry this burden, in fact it  was  way too heavy and huge for me and my one lunged self to carry anyway. I have handed it over and He is doing it for me.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me… for my yoke is easy , and my burden is light”

(Matt 11:28- 30)

Amen.

Hon we are going!